Show Not Tell -- My entry -- Writing Challenge One

Hello Everyone,

    How is like going on? Enjoying? Hope so. I was reading through a few pages of the novel I wrote. (The novel isn't finished and I am not working on it now). I felt I was telling the story methodically all the time and wanted to edit the same. You know, the tell and not show principle. On the very first page, I needed to show how the MC thinks about a fully overloaded railway compartment. I wanted help and hence I have organized a Writing challenge this on blog here with the same theme. 

Here is my entry:

 The first draft describes the scene this way.

--x--

     In the first class compartment I have a berth reserved, where my buddy Ms. Edward is waiting for me. But I, Edward Newgate am in a general compartment. Life teaches many things to us & in them the basic lesson is "survive at all costs". Life of an average human is all about survival, seeing a hope for a better tomorrow, to give a better start for our kids than we have today. All such lessons are not taught in the top B-Schools of my nation. They are taught on the street. Someone aptly put is as "Wisdom is calling on the streets". Such lessons are better learnt in these general compartments, where people from various economic, religious, social backgrounds get going with their lives.

--x--

 Well after editing the same scene looks like this.

--x--

 The many a spit stains added aesthetics to the relatively new but shitty paint job. "Ahhh... get away get away.. shoo shoo" shouted a teen when a rodent, scavenging for food, started sniffing her heels. People choose to ignore her, clinging to their precious seats in the overcrowded railway compartment while a hawker or two continued traversing the length and breath of the train earning their daily bread, pushing people away, stomping a few and scowling at the rest. I can see the puppy face a child made, trying to coax her dad to buy her a candy as soon as she saw the candy girl.
    In the first class compartment I have a berth reserved, where my buddy Ms. Edward is waiting for me. But I, Edward Newgate am in a general compartment. Life teaches many things to us & in them the basic lesson is "survive at all costs". Life of human is all about survival, seeing a hope for a better tomorrow, to give a better start for our kids than what we have today.

--x--  

   This too is pretty shitty right? Got any quick tutorial about the SHOW AND NOT TELL rule? Did this rule help you while you were publishing / working on the your book? Got any good book which covers the same? Can you tell me how to edit the passage above? Do let me know.

with warm regards

Abhishek Boinapalli

Front Butt -- Oh My God

Morning Everyone,

How is your day going on? Enjoying?? 


Well, here is an humorous excerpt from SEAL TEAM SIX Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper. Do check it and have a great day:

--x--

My son, Blake, really liked hanging out with the SEAL Team guys, and they loved him, too, especially after a particular incident when Blake was four years old. One day after work, I returned home to find Laura in the kitchen, out of her mind.

“What’s going on?” I asked.
 

“Little Debbie was over, and they got into Blake’s wading pool. Naked!” Little Debbie was a neighbor’s six-year-old daughter.

“Oh.”

“I called her mama and told her. She thought it was funny. You better talk to him.”

So I walked down the hall to his room.

Blake was playing Duck Hunt on the Nintendo, shooting flying ducks with his Nintendo Zapper Light Gun.

“Hey, buddy, how was your day?”

“Good,” he said.

“What’d you do today?”

“Played.”

I left him to his game and returned to Laura in the kitchen. “He’s fine. Didn’t even bring it up. Must not be such a big deal.”

“Oh, no. You have to make him talk about it. He’s probably traumatized.”

So I returned to Blake’s room. A dog on the TV monitor sniffed out the dead ducks in the grass and congratulated Blake.

I became more direct with my questioning. “Did you go swimming today?”

“Yep.”

“Well, did anyone go swimming with you?”

“Yep, Debbie went swimming with me.”

“Did you and Debbie take y’all’s clothes off while you were in the wading pool?”

“Debbie took her bathing suit off, and told me to take my bathing suit off.”

“Do you know you’re not supposed to let people see your pee-pee?”

“Yes, Mom told me not to let people see my pee-pee.”

“Well, did Debbie see your pee-pee?”

“Yep, Debbie saw my pee-pee.” He laughed.

“Did you see Debbie’s pee-pee?”

He stopped playing his game and put down the gun. There was a hint of concern in his voice. “You know what, Dad? Debbie doesn’t have a pee-pee.” He seemed to feel sorry for her. “She’s got a front-butt.”

 --x--

Ha Ha Ha!! Funny isn't it?? I couldn't stop laughing like hell!!! A front-butt!! The kid is cool too in his imagination and analysis!! Wanna read one more funny story from the book? here you go

with warm regards
AllMyPosts

Life - As It Goes

Morning Everyone,

   Started the week with a bang? Enjoying it? Mine is okay. Here are few common yet uncommon things in my life.

• As a kid, I used to be surprised to see, younger & older kids doing homework in bus-stops. Yeah, literally early in the morning, waiting for school bus to arrive, these students used to take out their homework books and started working on it!!  Now Now, today I had the wonderful opportunity to watch a parent doing his son's homework  in the bus-stop!!

 

• Well, for a young-man, it is pleasure to watch young girls and to praise / appreciate their beauty. It was so fun earlier to watch them, their beautiful facial features and all. But but, something went wrong and all I can see now are girls clad in scarves and such. This is eye-shore to me!!! The book "Man and Superman" claims that getting married is the biggest business and achievement of women, then how come all these girls want to hide their beautiful faces??

• When it comes to my life, there are many a things that deserve my attention including college, job (HIKE and PROMOTION), writing and exercise yet yet I am not giving due attention to anything as of yet!! Hope this changes soon!!

with warm regards
Abhishek Boinapalli

You thougth You made Fun?? Check This

  Morning Everyone,

    How is life going on? Enjoying the week? Any surprises for you? What are you reading lately? 

   I have grabbed the SEAL TEAM SIX : Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper by Howard E. Wasdin. Well, it looks like we don't need much introduction to the book due to the name.  Take my word, it is a good novel to read. Here is a small excerpt from the book: 

--x--

As we camped near the river, sitting around a campfire drinking beer and roasting wieners, a malnourished, mangy cat approached us. It looked too wild to come near us, but it must’ve been desperate for food. We threw it a piece of wiener, and the cat gulped it down. One of us tried to pick up the feline, and it went berserk—claws and teeth everywhere. That cat was bad. We used the suitcase to set a trap for it, propping the lid open and putting a wiener inside. When the cat went inside to eat, we dropped the top and zipped up the suitcase. We laughed. Hearing the cat go crazy in the suitcase made us laugh harder. The cat kept going until it was exhausted.

I got an idea. “You know how we wanted to open the suitcase? If we put this on the road, someone will stop and open it.” So we took the suitcase to the road and stood it up on the shoulder near a bridge. Then we concealed ourselves nearby, lying flat on a slope that descended from the street. We waited awhile before the first car drove by. It wasn’t a well-traveled road.

Another car came by, and the brake lights flashed. Then it proceeded forward, did a U-turn, and came back. It passed us and did another U-turn, finally stopping next to the suitcase. An overweight black woman stepped out of the car and picked up the suitcase. After she returned to the car and closed the door, we heard excited talk, as if they had dug up a treasure chest. The car moved forward. Suddenly, the brake lights came back on and the car screeched to a halt. Three of the four doors popped open, and three people ran out of the car cussing at the top of their lungs.

We tried not to laugh.

--x-- 

What do you say? Good way to have fun right assuming that no one is hurt? Will you seriously try something like that? 

And And, you know any good novel to read? Military fiction books? Do let me know about them. Kind of hungry for books.

with warm regards

Abhishek Boinapalli

Publish Post

Enemy At The Gates -- Dialogues

Hello Everyone,

The weekend is already here. Hope you all are enjoying the same just like me. Well, I was fortunate enough to watch Enemy At The Gates the other day. Watched it?? Liked it?? 

Here is a small excerpt from the movie. (Taken from script-o-rama.com). Somehow liked it. Just check out:

--x--

Man will always be man.

   
                   
There is no new man.

   
                   
We tried so hard to create
a society that was equal,

   
                   
where there'd be nothing
to envy your neighbor.

   
                   
But there's always
something to envy.

   
                   
A smile...

   
                   
a friendship.

   
                   
Something you don't have
and want to appropriate.

   
                   
In this world-
even a Soviet one-

   
                   
there will always
be rich and poor.

   
                   
Rich in gifts...

   
                   
poor in gifts.

   
                   
Rich in love...

   
                   
poor in love.

--x--

     What have you got to say about these lines? Aren't they true? But when we love the other, their smile is important right? Is it possible to love all? And there by ensure we don't envy them?   What does your chain of thought say? Do let me know!

Watched any good military movie? Liked it? Why don't you share it with me? Kindly note, we are trying to make few changes with the blog layout and design. Do let us know if we are messing up with the blog.

with warm regards

Abhishek Boinapalli

Hoping Desperatly??

Hello Everyone,

    What are you reading recently?? Finding anything cool?? Well, I have started with the Percy Jackson and the Lighting thief. This book is kind of cool, you have demigods, non-humans and whole lot of Greek mythology. The concept is simple, the weapon of Zeus, Master Bolt, is stolen and Zeus blames Poseidon. Zeus and Poseidon are fighting against each other and Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon must bring back the weapon to stop war!!

    Here is a small excerpt from the book:

--x--

    "The God of Wild Places disappeared two thousand years ago," he told me. "A sailor off the coast of Ephesos heard a mysterious voice crying out from the shore, 'Tell them that the great god Pan has died!' When humans heard the news, they believed it. They've been pillaging Pan's kingdom ever since. But for the satyrs, Pan was our lord and master. He protected us and the wild places of the earth. We refuse to believe that he died. In every generation, the bravest satyrs pledge their lives to finding Pan. They search the earth, exploring all the wildest places, hoping to find where he is hidden, and wake him from his sleep."

    "And you want to be a searcher."

    "It's my life's dream," he said. "My father was a searcher. And my Uncle Ferdinand ... the statue you saw back there--"

    "Oh, right, sorry."

    Grover shook his head. "Uncle Ferdinand knew the risks. So did my dad. But I'll succeed. I'll be the first searcher to return alive."

    "Hang on--the first?"

    Grover took his reed pipes out of his pocket. "No searcher has ever come back. Once they set out, they disappear. They're never seen alive again."

    "Not once in two thousand years?"

    "No."

    "And your dad? You have no idea what happened to him?"

    "None."

    "But you still want to go," I said, amazed. "I mean, you really think you'll be the one to find Pan?"

    "I have to believe that, Percy. Every searcher does. It's the only thing that keeps us from despair when we look at what humans have done to the world. I have to believe Pan can still be awakened."

--x--

   Liked it?? Do you also believe in something strange / impossible? to keep going? To prevent despair in your life? I do!! I believe I will stop being a glutton! I believe I will become a officer of Indian Army. I believe I can do miracles and be the next Dan Brown / J K Rowling / .. what about you?? Does this make sense??

with warm regards

Abhishek Boinapalli