Hello Everyone,
This post is in response to Friday Flash Fiction challenge on TerribleMinds.com The rules are simple:
- Pick up any three words from the set of five random words.
- Write a story in hundred word including the three random words. The set of five random words for this week are
Enzyme.Ivy.Bishop.Blister.Lollipop.
Here is my entry:
--x--
"Mom the blister is paining me!! Can I pop it? Please?"
"No Honey, You mustn't. You remember what the bishop told?"
"Yeah Mom!! But please. This is the fifth one on my hand"
“No John. You can’t. You don’t want lollipop?” asked the confused mother. She was sure that the Bishop is bonkers. Like everyone else, she too was afraid to go against the Bishop, who is doing something crazy with the kid, in this alien land.
“We are migrants and black. We need to keep up with customs here. Bishop is the only doctor here” She assured herself.
--x--
What do you think about it? Do let me know!!
with warm regards
AllMyPosts
5 comments:
I think I understand what you mean by "doing something crazy". Aside from a few 'tense' issues or missed words, I liked it!! It made me want to know more about the situation.
The part about the blisters was intriguing, but I'm not sure where you were going with the Bishop stuff.
With such strict word count limit, you have to pack in as much of a punch as you can in the words you have. Cut out any repetition and unnecessary dialogue, and as Lindsay said, be careful of your tenses too.
@Lindsday Mawon & @Sarah E. Olson,
thanks for your insights!! I think, I seriously need to check my grammar!!
Thanks for dropping by!!
Just popping by to say hello as a fellow Write Critique member :)
My comment on your piece is that maybe my mind went down the wrong road (been known to happen all the time!) but I couldn't help thinking of boys being boys with the blisters on his hand and then you bringing in the Bishop! Sounded a bit pervy to me!! Ha ha Sorry :)
Good slice of life. I suggest you write your entries in Word before posting to your blog, it will help with spelling.
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