Monday, March 7, 2011

Catch Me If You Can

 Well, I just got to know about the blogfest organized by KayKay's Corner. I am supposed to post about 550 words from my work in progress so that people who read the same tell me "how my work is?" 

I am posting about 535 words from my first work "Patriot". Hope you love it.

          “Hello buddy, what’s up? Hello Mr. Edward. Happy father’s day!!” I greeted, still undoing my shoe.
          “So what brings Mr. Newgate here?” casually inquired Ms. Edward I still did not give her the nick name then.
          “A simple mission. To convert Ms. Edward into vampire by sucking blood of hers directly from her throat in front of her family” replied I, trying to make the scariest expression I could manage.
          “Not so soon buddy. I am not a crybaby or a scared kid, better luck next time.”
          “So Mr. Edward, may I speak to you on a small issue bothering me?” This is really strange. I didn’t plan anything. It was supposed to be a casual visit and something in me started. I know what it is, Mission of making myself an asshole in front of Mr. Edward.
          He just turned to me out of courtesy. We don’t share good relation anyway.
          “So I was imagining that you love Monisha, your only daughter a lot.”
          “What do you mean imagining?” he growled at me.
          “I was thinking that you wanna make every wish of her come true & cherish every victory of her & be for her in every defeat”. Don’t ask me what I am gonna babble next moment. I did not come prepared for this. Even Ms. Edward seems to be anxious.
          “I already do that, she is my precious daughter.”
          “But I am afraid, you may not be able to do it for long. You don’t seem to be putting enough efforts to make her happy”
          “What the hell gentleman, One I don’t know your first name too. Two you are in my home and three you are enraging me. Better make your intentions clear”
          “No offense Mr. Edward. I just am anticipating that ten years from now, Ms. Edward will miss you a lot. She will be a little sad even in her moments of joy coz she couldn’t share them with you. For you would be in the comforts of hell by then”.
          “So you are now telling me fortune. I don’t pay for fortune tellers” he said with anger enough to scare a lion out of its guts.
          “No fortune telling Mr. Edward. Its common knowledge that due to sedentary lifestyle all gentlemen like you, aged above 50 are gonna pass out soon. I just intend to request you to take some exercise and be fit and healthy for my friend. I quite understand that you are a loving and caring father and I just wish that you stay a little long for Ms. Edward”. So the mission is changed now, probably I am a salesman of exercising equipment now. Any corporation ready to hire me now?? Ms. Edward spoke to me earlier about her fathers portly physique and his constant high BP.
          “I myself clearly understand the efforts it takes to continue with an exercise regime for I myself am obese. But you know what Mr. Edward, there is fun in that effort. You are gonna be happy to tell yourself that ‘this effort is to share happiness of my daughter a little longer, that this effort will make her happy… blah blah’.” I got a point there. 

with warm regards


Heidi W said...

I love your sense of humor! Your poor narrator--jumping from vampires to Mr. Edward's daughter to his health--I feel for him.

It would help me as a reader to have more description of what the characters are doing while they are talking. It would also help me to have more description of the setting.

Keep writing!

Abhishek said...


You like it dear Heidi Windmiller???

Thanks for your kindness to drop by and leave such a cool reply. Bless you.

I am sorry, you need to wait to read my work. I started working on this and is in very initial stages. But the work is military fiction and revolves around INDIAN ARMY.

with warm regards

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