This post is in response to the Second Crusader Challenge by Rachael Harrie I am not crusader yet. The concept is quite simple, write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count. I am posting my entry here, Just have a look at it and let me know how you feel about it.
--x--
The goldfish bowl teetered at the edge, as I was watching, helplessly.
I am in pain, intense pain, thanks to the gunmen My body is now torn apart and any moment now could be my last. Everything around me is still as stone and I wanted to shout to swat team to save the bowl, but the voice isn’t coming.I am uncertain, if I would be loved after all, if I will be shown pity and sympathy. I wonder if I will be given proper burial and can't imagine how my last photograph would be. I am terror.
--x--
Also let me know what you think about the character in the story. I am a newbie and I just wanna check if I conveyed my message well!! Ha Ha!!
Let me remind you all, becoming crusader is easy and helps everyone out a lot. Concept of crusaders is simple, a hell lot of writers & bloggers support each other by connecting with each other , making comments, participating in blog fests and other contests, and helping to promote their new friends. And ofcourse, you can find lot of help if you are a writer.
Let me remind you all, becoming crusader is easy and helps everyone out a lot. Concept of crusaders is simple, a hell lot of writers & bloggers support each other by connecting with each other , making comments, participating in blog fests and other contests, and helping to promote their new friends. And ofcourse, you can find lot of help if you are a writer.
Don't forget to read similar posts here.
- Broken heart
- Flash Fiction from TerribleMinds.com
- Series of Unfortunate events
- A2A flash fiction challenge
- Delusional Doom Blogfest
- Nature of Love Blogfest
- My Dad's Job
with warm regards
AllMyPosts
21 comments:
Excellent entry! Tells me what kind of person s/he is that a last concern would be for the goldfish.
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Nice tone of sadness and desperation. I like your goldfish bowl photo too! :)
Allmyposts! I'm wrapping up my Japan Help event and can't find your email address. Let me know. Thanks!
Marie at the Cheetah
Great job! I hope to write mine soon. *waving* I'm a follower now. :)
Hey, flying cheetah (aka Marie Rearden), my email id is "allmyonlineearnings@gmail.com"
Thanks Ciara for following my blog. *Waving Back* Keep visiting and let me know how you feel! Don't forget to spice up the blog with your comments and suggestions!!!
with warm regards
This is great.It was so sad when he wanted to call to the swat team but his voice didn't work.
I like the "still as stone" line and the character's desire to save the bowl.
Good take on this. I enjoyed it.
Nikki
You did a good job of capturing the emotion. It did feel like there was more yearning to be said. Go for it!
Great job expressing the emotion of the situation. :)
Very interesting the narrator would have concern for the goldfish but means the character has some heart even if others didn't notice it.
D'oh, poor person!
hink your character is very good - story also - def. go for it
I want to know more about this. I would like some description of the senses the narrator is feeling as he lies there. How does his body feel? It just makes me want to learn more.
Hello Ms. Jeanne,
I am sorry!! I dunno much!! I wrote this on the fly!! I wanted hundred words for the second crusader challenge!! So made them!!!
You are free to imagine and add anything you like!! Ha Ha!!
My plan was to tell about some terrorist who is gonna die any moment now & yet cared for his beloved pet!! Something like that!!
with warm regards
Poor guy! Such desperation and hoplessness. :P I like your take, such a different spin!
I followed. ☺
Hi there! New follower here :))
I enjoyed your entry. The emotions are palpable, and I, like many commentators before me, was struck by the compassion of the narrator who is as worried for his beloved pet as he is for his own fate. I did notice you bounced around with verb tenses. The prompt was in past tense, but much of your entry shifted into present.
Looking forward to reading more from you!
The final series of thoughts that flash through a person's brain... Very nice.
I am not an official Crusader yet either, but I submitted and entry anyway. Yay for party crashers!
I agree with Holly - yay for party crashers - more cool stories for me to read! :)
I definitely feel your character's desperation. Good job!
Interesting! I think you did a good job with characterization because of that detail -- that at the end he would still care about a little goldfish. Conveys a lot!
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